Monday, January 19, 2015

This Make-up Wearer's Manifesto

I'm not sure what to call this round of random musings, and I'm not really sure how to begin - so I'm just going to start typing and see where we end up. This post is about me trying to change my attitude towards wearing make-up, and generally speaking, my lifelong habit of 'saving it for later'. Does this sound vague enough or should I muddle it even further in the preamble?

Well, here's the gist of it. As a stay-at-home wife who lives very far away from most of her friends and all of her family (husband excepted), I spend a lot of time alone, in our apartment. When we moved here to NYC from Bellevue, WA, and I transitioned from working part/full time to just hanging out at home, I decided it would surely be silly to get dolled up every day to do the dishes, read books and occasionally pop downstairs to pick up packages. It's just me, right? I don't need to prove anything or try to impress myself, so why bother?

It turned out to be a bit of a slippery slope. First, I decided against putting make-up on every day (I'm letting my skin breathe!), only reserving it for the times I was going out to run errands or having some sort of social obligations. Then, I couldn't get out of loungy pants (ok, pajama bottoms) and stretched out t-shirts, and often skipped brushing my hair in the morning. And then recently, I've noticed around lunch time that I forgot to eat breakfast that day, haven't touched some nicer pieces in my closet for well over a year, and haven't been to a hairdresser in a year and a half. Wait... what?!

Before you start judging along the lines of 'Wow, she really let herself go' - no, you wouldn't even notice my gradual decline if I didn't just tell you about. Because when I did go out, I still applied my make-up meticulously (come on, I'm a beauty blogger, remember?), spent some time putting together a nice outfit, or even attempted a hair style. I did not suddenly start looking like a bridge troll; I maintained a pulled-together exterior, just became very, very lazy when it was just myself I was keeping company.

What really got me thinking about my attitude towards my own appearance on my 'days off' was my mum, who's been retired for about two years now. I've noticed that she probably now takes MORE care in her make-up, hair and clothes than she used to when she had to get ready for work every morning. She's constantly experimenting with her fashion style, doesn't miss a hair appointment with her stylist, and she's even started to do her nails (big deal here, folks)! So... if she can look nice just for herself, why can't I?

Not an easy answer, that. But I guess what it boils down to is that I generally tend to think the person I am at the moment doesn't deserve the effort of making herself presentable just for her own enjoyment. That the current me isn't good enough to look and feel pretty just because - no, there has to be a reason for me to pull myself together, which usually involves being in the company of other people. So, other people (like, strangers in the street?) deserve not to be put off by an au naturel Monika, but Monika can absolutely make herself feel bad about her messy reflection in the mirror.

You may gather from this that I'm not a very self-loving person, and you're right, I know that, and I AM trying to work on it; I did go see a hair stylist this week, ok? I also realize that self-love extends beyond one's appearance, but since this is a beauty blog after all, I just thought I'd share this shallower aspect with you, hoping that some of you may have similar experiences, and even if you don't, knowing that you're sensitive, emphatic, amazing people and you feel me. But yeah; my first step towards accepting myself as I am now is making the effort to look and feel pretty on the regular.

This also includes (FINALLY!) not saving stuff for later (later, when what? I'm bigger and badder?). Just to clarify, this is not the good kind of delayed gratification like in the famous marshmallow experiment; what I do is more along the lines of: 'Let me torture myself with the crappy stuff right now, and then be so miserable that I won't even feel the gratification of enjoying my favorite products when the times comes to finally pull them out'. But - NO MORE!

So if I feel like slapping on my most expensive foundation to take out the trash, I'll do it, and even if I don't feel like doing it, I'll still make myself do it, just to prove a point. If I feel like wearing a cashmere sweater just to read my book, I'll put it on, and enjoy its warmth and fluffiness. If I crave the spicy scent of my newest Serge Lutens perfume, I'll spritz it on and sniff my wrist every couple minutes while I'm typing up a blog post. Because you know what, my 'good' stuff won't last forever, and I should enjoy it while I have it, and not make myself endure mediocre things in anticipation of using my favorites some day in the unforeseeable future. Right? Right.

I've also been thinking that lately, I want to wear my make-up pretties more often precisely because I don't have to. What I mean by this is that for years, I'd been mostly wearing base make-up to conceal breakouts and hyperpigmentation scars. But in the past couple of months, I've been getting a lot less pimples and clogged pores, the texture and tone of my skin looks more even, and I'm not even as incredibly oily on my nose and forehead as I used to be (have I just jinxed myself? Will report back!). So now that my skin looks alright - not flawless by any stretch of imagination, but really good for me - and I don't need to hide as much, I can enjoy make-up just for the fun of it: the beauty of the products themselves, the variety of textures and colors, the tactile pleasure of putting it on, the experimentation with different placements and shapes. Not that I didn't enjoy all of it before, but without the stressful element of 'Holy crap, pizza face, where's my concealer?!', wearing make-up makes me even happier.

Tell me, do you also struggle with the 'save it for later' attitude towards your clothes and beauty products? I sometimes feel that my stash-reducing projects like empties and Project Make A Dent make it even harder for me to enjoy my bestest things, forcing me to reach for blah products over and over again, while in the meantime, my favorites just sit there gathering dust at best, or even expire and have to be tossed at worst. I also recently realized that my beauty and fashion needs and preferences really change quite often - or, uhm, I'm growing and becoming more discerning, I hope? Either way, this means that something I've just bought thinking it the best thing ever may turn out to no longer hold my attention when I finally start using it couple years down the line, because I'd been so focused on using up other stuff first. Oh, first world problems...

31 comments:

  1. This post really rang true for me. As a dissertating grad student with no teaching duties this year, I spend a lot of time alone in my apartment. I do make a point of going out every day, even if it's just to the library, but I don't actually have to. Plus, I'm a huge introvert and can go a week without seeing anyone I know, or even *noticing* that I haven't seen anyone. All this means that I often cast longing eyes at my lipstick collection and think, "Ah, if only I had an excuse to wear a bright pink lip today." Like you, I often think "the person I am at the moment doesn't deserve the effort of making herself presentable just for her own enjoyment." But when I wear makeup in public, I'm primarily wearing it for me, so why not wear it for me in private, too? I'm the only excuse that I need.

    Thanks so much for writing this post--it's given me a lot to think about. Spray that Serge Lutens perfume with abandon! You deserve it.

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    1. Oh, why is beautiful bright lipstick so hard to wear just for one's own enjoyment? I do that a lot too - I can sometimes convince myself to wear a barely there gloss on a casual day, but never a bold red or magenta. Why though? I've been thinking that in the 40s or 50s, housewives would put on a fashionable bright lipstick just while chilling out at home, and especially before their husbands got home, to make themselves look and feel more special. We need to do that too!

      Hahah, and yes, I've just sprayed on my Serge Lutens this morning and I'm loving it!

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  2. I can hardly believe the timing of this post. :) I have just been coming to the same conclusion. I used up my beloved Chantecaille white whale and tiger compacts long ago, two of very few things I've ever used up entirely. They are beautiful, limited edition, and work wonders, so I bought backups. I've been saving those backups for ages, waiting for "later" or a special enough occasion. Just this weekend, after considering getting something cheap to use up on ordinary days, I used the tiger for the first time, gingerly sweeping my brush around the edges, and the whale will follow soon. I finally asked myself what I'm saving them for. I won't sell them or give them away. If I want to share their beauty with someone, there are pictures on the internet. I realized I hadn't wanted to "waste" them on "just me, just a normal day" but is it a waste if I enjoy them so much? Better to let every day be a little bit special instead of waiting for enough special-enough days to come along. In this case, I didn't have a make-a-dent alternative product, but I do have them in foundations. After reading your post and writing this response, I think I will slow make-a-dent down a bit by picking a day or two each week to use my favorite foundation and make dents on other days. Love your blog, keep on writing!

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    1. Thank you so much for the kind words and such a thoughtful comment! I'm so glad that you pulled out that Chantecaille palette for your own enjoyment - and I completely understand that careful working around the design, I do that with my hummingbird embossed Rouge Bunny Rouge palette :) It's so twisted that we would buy beautiful products but then think them too beautiful to use on ourselves - where's the logic in that? I'm definitely not a make-up collector either so there's no one or nothing I should be saving my favorite items for. And I'm trying to rotate my favorites with the Make A Dent items too, although it's a struggle sometimes to convince myself that it's ok to give the MAD items a rest for a day or two. Clearly, I still need to work on my thought patterns ;)

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  3. I don't wear make up at home but I wear it 5 times a week, therefore it's okay. But when you stay at home nearly all day you may wear it by occasion. It's the same stuff with wearing home cloths. Cuddly and warm is nice but I would get tired if I did this for more than two months.

    "Let me torture myself with the crappy stuff right now, and then be so miserable that I won't even feel the gratification of enjoying my favorite products when the times comes to finally pull them out'. But - NO MORE!"
    I did this for nearly 4 years and it felt terrible. Well, this was how my stash reducing blog actually started. The first months it's like: Hey, my stash is becoming smaller! But after a few months you start disliking make up. Sooo I've decided to use my complete stash (since last year). I'm trying everything and dismiss everything I dislike. It feels sooooo much better now. Don't hesitate: Use your GOOD stuff while it's still good. I'm planning the same with my clothing but it'll take a while. It's too cold outside ~.~

    "I sometimes feel that my stash-reducing projects like empties and Project Make A Dent make it even harder for me to enjoy my bestest things, forcing me to reach for blah products over and over again, while in the meantime, my favorites just sit there gathering dust at best, or even expire and have to be tossed at worst."
    Yep! But you may combine your stash reducing projects with stuff you LOVE. :)

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    1. Hi Lila! Hahah, yes, when I wore make-up to work, I also found it super nice to go bare faced when I was chilling at home :) Thank you for sharing your experience - I don't want to end up hating all of my make-up! I love make-up! And I think your comment just brought it home that I may do another stash purge - and that I really need to combine my favorites with Project MAD! :D

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    2. I'm looking forward to it, Monika :)

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  4. MAN how are you in my head woman hahaha! I've recently come to the SAME conclusions! I'm at home too, so most days I don't wear my makeup unless leaving the house. I decided that I'll be getting dressed every morning now too-no more lazing around and saving makeup for days I go out! I don't really save expensive products though, but I want to use the things I have and wear them to even just clean the toilet lol. Great post!

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    1. Hahah, mind reading may be a useful skill, actually... *creepy*. I also found that when you wear your comfortable jammies all the time, you no longer appreciate their coziness - so it's good to switch up a bit with dressier stuff and re-discover how nice it is to have comfy lounge clothes too. And yes! Wearing make-up to clean the toilet FTW!

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  5. Hi - new reader here! I totally understand what you mean. I started working from home a few months ago and I too have turned into a semi-permanent pj wearer. For the new year, I've vowed to at least change to nicer J Crew sweats and wear makeup in the mornings. As for the save-it-for-later syndrome I was halfway into the Mari Kondo organizing book last night, and her main point is to keep only the things that you love. In our case, maybe that means letting go of the make-up that, in her words, doesnt spark joy? If Project MAD is a chore or no longer enjoyable, then maybe it is not worth doing anymore? -- Eileen

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    1. Hi Eileen, thank you for reading! <3 Oh, is Mari Kondo the famous Japanese professional organizer? I've read an article about her and while I don't agree that everything we own must 'spark joy' (my immersion blender, for example, doesn't make me particularly merry, but it sure comes in useful!), I think when it comes to make-up, it's definitely relevant. Project MAD isn't actually such a chore most of the time and it gives me immense satisfaction to completely use up stuff and get my money's worth, but I think like with many things in life, I tend to push it a bit too far - so this is a good reminder to take it easy :)

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  6. When think were really bad at my work, 2 years ago, I took a couple weeks off. Which eventually turned into months. Which turned into me not getting back there and starting my own business - working from home.
    During the first weeks I was so tired, I just got lazy and stopped applying makeup. It took me a few weeks to realize that seeing myself like that day after day was actually making me feel more depressed and tired than I was. So I started putting on makeup again. Even when I don't go out, even if I don't have a meeting with a client. If I work, which is 6 days a week, I wear makeup (my skin breathes on Sundays).
    For more than a year I wore nothing but blue jeans, when I had previously worn so many dresses and skirt - they didn't feel right in the house. But same thing, after that much time I realized I was missing wearing nicer outfits. So now on days where I meet clients (which usually is once or twice a week), I don't wear jeans 'because I can', I wear nicer outfits, or outfits built around black jeans, which look smarter. I wear boots and not sneakers. I definitely feel better this way.
    So, see, you're not the only one, and definitely, I think we deserve to use/wear nice things for ourselves even if nobody sees them. It's good for our mood :)

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  7. Hi Monika!
    I feel like you really hit the point there. In the "first world" there's a kind of binge sindrome going on, and I think it got even worse in recent years: we always look for the next best thing, we buy a lot of stuff, we accumulate. I speak for myself, it's like a drug or a desease, maybe I can control myself for a while and be good and save money, but then just because I have them I feel the desire to go out (or most of the times not even that, I just order online) and buy beautiful nails polishes or makeup items. The funny thing, is that immediately after I feel guilty and at the same time, when those goodies arrive at my house, I put them aside and sometimes don't even try them for months because... I need to finish other stuff first! So I totally feel you on the saving it for later mechanism.
    Now, unlike you and the majority of people, I might probably have a real pathologic problem and I hope to solve that, but I think that at different extentions this happens to everyone. The point is: how to break this vicious cicle? I'd love to hear some suggestions from someone who succeeded and found a balance between excitement for new stuff and love for what he/she has already.
    In the meantime, lots of love and makeup experiments to you! You deserve to feel and look however you feel like on a daily basis.
    Graphie

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    1. For nailpolish I have established this system: For each month I prepare a small collection of polish that I intend to wear (matching the season etc), about half as many than the times I intend to paint my nails, 4-5 bottles/month for me. I'll paint each at least once (to see how it works with my skin tone). The ones that I can't bring myself to use a second time that month have to go (either sell, or give away, throw out, re-purpose for art projects etc).

      Outcome: I get to wear all my favourite polishes more often and reduce my stash all at the same time!

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    2. That's a fantastic system for really being able to see what your favorite shades are - although I have to admit I only paint my nails about 3 times a month so it would probably be slow going for me :D Have you heard about Project Polish that's going on on YouTube? Some ladies have decided to pick out some bottles of nail polish with the intent of using them up completely this year. It almost seems impossible to me (unless we're talking about those mini bottles) but I've seen a lot of success on there! PrettyPistol86 for example has been doing that. As for me, I've had just purged some polishes from my stash (there's a post coming up on that) but furthermore, I will have some more to get rid of this year because I think those bottles only have a couple uses left in them :)

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  8. Aaaaaah, Monika...I so feel ya'!!! On my off days, unless I'm going out (which has been rarely) I don't wear makeup and I can be found in either my PFR (pink fuzzy robe) or FSP's (fuzzy skull pants)!! At least you have a good reason...that you are 'saving' things. Me? I don't even know why. My go to answer is laziness...pure, flat out laziness. But honestly I don't know if it's even that??? On days off I actually have the time to play around with things, but instead I'm wasting time binge watching on Netflix or Pinning my life away!! My solution to getting a little better is that I've purchase some cuter lounge wear and chuck the older ones, so that's something LOL! Sometimes I wonder if it's because I lack passion for something more than beauty. You know, that special thing that gets you up in the morning and gets you excited about life just because you can do that special thing. I've never had that. I feel like maybe I'm getting closer. Not sue how I know, but it's just a feeling. Still...it's not quite here/there yet. I've actually been meaning to do a Beauty Thoughts post about finding a deeper passion, wondering if others are out there that feel like they are kind of just filling in the the spaces...but haven't because I'm not even sure how to start a post like that. I'll work on it though! So in the meantime I call it laziness and wear fuzzy lounge things at home :-)

    On the flip side...go wear your favorite makeup!!!! I've been on a mission the last year or 2(?) to mainly have things in my collection that I love, so no matter what I wear it'll be something that makes me smile!! Well, unless I'm testing something out of course 'cuz there's no guarantee with that ha ha!! Plus, there's so much that comes to market every year, that by the time you finish something, just think of all the fun you can have testing other things to take it's place (if you can't get it again I mean)!!! So spray that fancy perfume and wear those gorgeous shadows!!! xoxo :-) Goomie

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  9. I think this post is a continuation of that text chat we were having last week ;) I totally feel the same way when I'm at home for long stretches of time. In my case, at the moment, I have the opposite problem of having too many commitments to be bothered wearing makeup. I always like the process of getting ready but it's the feeling of the makeup on my skin after 16 hours that bothers me. That and the fact that my contacts tend to irritate me if I wear them for too long, too many days in a row. So for many days of the past few weeks I've been wearing either no makeup at all or the same few products. I don't particularly mind it but I do feel like I'm neglecting some of my favorite pieces. When I'm by myself or with my closest friends I think I feel most comfortable when I'm wearing absolutely no makeup. When I'm outside and in the presence of others I don't mind being makeup-less but it's nice to have some concealer and eyeliner on, hah!

    With clothes, I definitely save pieces I really like for "special" occasions. I have a fear of over washing and ruining my nicer pieces so I tend to wear them sparingly if I'm going to a nice dinner or event. These days I've been wearing the same boring old sweaters and safe cardigans because I haven't been inspired to think of a nicer look (and because it's darn cold outside and I've been opting for my long puffer coat anyway).

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  10. I totally hear where you are coming from with this post - I'm at home at the moment and swing between wearing my bright lipsticks and nicest eyeshadows for no reason, to forgetting to eat breakfast and not applying any makeup as I don't think it's worth it. I think the blog is a good way for me to get out of a rut as often I'll wear makeup to trial something to write about.

    I've started a project pan etc sort of thing (post is coming and totally inspired by you!) but am pretty close to finishing off the products so it doesn't really feel like a chore (that and the products are quite nice, Chanel and Illamasqua etc) but I can totally see how you can get stuck wearing the 'crappy' makeup and leave the best aside! Easy to do!

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  11. what a well written and relatable post! I understand this feeling of a lack of self love and I experience in periodic cycles, but this year in particular has had more downs than ups. I've been busier than I ever have been and therefore, putting on my makeup is set on the back burner. When I finally had a break, I found myself lounging around still not really giving myself the attention I need. I did however clean out my makeup collection and found so many brands that I wasn't using and it was rather...disappointing. I really need to remind myself that using my makeup and spending that extra time in the morning is a healthy way to check on myself mentally. My goal is to reduce my collection, invest more in the products I do end up purchasing, and make time to treat myself in the morning. It'll hopefully be a small thing that prevents me from being in any sort of funk! Thanks for writing this; I really needed a reminder!

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  12. I am truly a "save for later" kind of person. With everything. I tend to save stuff for "special occasions", and then when the special occasion comes it can be that I even forget about it because it's just been there gathering dust for too long. Sigh. I'm also trying to get better at that. Why shouldn't I use my best lipstick whenever I want to? It won't last forever, whether I use it or not. So better use it and enjoy it.

    I think this is a family thing, though. My grandma had her wardrobe full of nice clothes "for special occasions" that barely got used.

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    1. It makes me really sad to think that when I pass away one day, my children may look at my drawers full of make-up and ponder 'Why did she need all of that junk? It's barely used!'. So yeah, better use it while I still can, right? I guess when it comes to clothing, you could even try to save some of your 'investment pieces' for the next generation, although you never know if it would even be appreciated. But make-up certainly DOES have an expiration date, even if it's longer than what the brands suggest!

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  13. Monika, have you read "Lessons from Madame Chic" or "Madame Chic at Home" by Jennifer Scott? If so, I think you will find her ideas intriguing esp in the newly-found mindset that you have. Just keep in mind these books were written by a SAHM and maybe also geared toward SAHM, but I think the message is still applicable to those who are not even a mom/married.

    Btw, news from Bellevue: Sephora now is revamped complete with tons of new brands LOL I don't drive to Belleuve that often but I just happened to do so last weekend. Of course, you are, my friend, already in a better place in NYC :-)

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    1. Claire, your comments are always so incredibly thoughtful and helpful! I haven't read these books but I'm putting them on my reading list asap, thank you!

      And funnily enough, I know that Bellevue Square Sephora has had a redesign! They're now supposed to be next to Aritzia, right? The zip code in my Sephora account is still set to 98004, so I got an email with an invite to check out the new store. I don't actually often shop at Sephora in store, but I like that the NYC ones have the more exclusive brands, like Koh Gen Do, Armani or Cover FX. Sending you a big hug!!!

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    2. LOL Why, you are on top of your game!! Yes, next to Aritzia.. usually when I go to Sephora, my son and DH go to Microsoft store across. Last weekend, they went to MS Store and when they came by to "get" me at the Sephora they were panicking because Sephora was no longer there :-D

      Yes, check out those books. Jennifer also has a blog (just google "Daily Connoisseur" I used to have the link of it from mine but somehow it is no longer there, thanks to blogger, ugh!) Here's some of the link you may enjoy:

      http://dailyconnoisseur.blogspot.com/2010/01/on-why-we-dont-use-best-things-we-have.html

      http://dailyconnoisseur.blogspot.com/2013/01/always-use-best-things-you-have.html

      P.S. Feel free NOT to publish this comment, I realize it is getting too wordy & have links to other blogs, etc. etc. Do what you need to do!! Hugs back at you, xoxo

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    3. Claire, seriously, why would I not post your awesome comment? I'm sure we can all benefit from checking out those links! I know I will!

      Hahah, oh, the panic that shopping strikes in the hearts of men :D I still remember swatching stuff at the older location on my lunch breaks! Eh, sweet memories...

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  14. Girl, I've spent the last 4 months at the office without a stitch of makeup on, and it's not like I was having a fabulous couple of skin months. You're several steps above me :)

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  15. Permit me to extend your analogy beyond the world of makeup? Thanks to my grandmothers and great-aunts, I've received several sets (and mis-matched sets) of family china and glassware. I also collect Art Deco glassware, both of which I use on a regular basis. My mother thinks I should store everthing safely in boxes in the basement, not risk anything broken.

    But I'm happier using the glasses, plates, teacups, etc. on a regular basis. Why banish these beauties to the dark basement, when they can bring me joy? And when I set a full table with these, I look around and see those generous women who passed these pieces along to me, even though they're no longer with us.

    The moral of this story? Use the things you have, don't postpone joy.

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  16. Oh, this post. <3 <3

    I work part-time at home now and babysit my nephew at least once a week. Neither requires makeup, so while I probably have more makeup than ever before, I'm wearing very little if any at all on most days. By the time I quit my FT job, I had stopped giving a crap about my appearance and went makeupless for a few months unless I had to go out. Then I got into "take care of myself" mode and tried to put something on even on days with no agenda but now I'm back in pajama mode out of sheer laziness + winter hibernation. I don't think that it's because I love myself less though. Up until two years ago, I wore foundation non-stop for at least eight years and wouldn't have been caught dead in public without some makeup on. Your pizza face comment made me laugh but I fully relate. Personally, taking a makeup break did a lot of good for both skin AND soul. Makeup is still wonderful and useful, but I feel liberated from the unhealthier aspects of using it as a self-esteem crutch and can love it more for the fun of it. :)

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    1. Your comment really resonated with a YouTube tutorial I watched a while back and the comments posted below it. It was from a Polish beauty guru, who was showing her everyday make-up, and most of the comments were of the 'Holy crap, that's SO much make-up, don't you have anything better to do in the morning?!' variety. Some more intelligent viewers then replied that if someone loves make-up, playing around with it really IS one of the best ways to spend your morning. It's not a chore, it's fun. Which is also how I want to think of putting on my make-up: I don't want to feel like I need to put stuff on to make myself presentable, I want to feel creative for putting together different looks, and ready to take on the day. It's very hard to strike that balance when your skin isn't behaving, but hell, we're human - no one's perfect. Thank you for sharing your experience, Liz! <3

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  17. Loved reading this post and the comments. I can so relate.

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  18. I didnt think it would happen to me, but it's taken less than 5 months of working from home to go from wearing a full-face of make-up every day to managing to squeeze on gloss right before I drop off my kid at school. One of my co-workers called me out on it, I told her i needed cute work-out clothes for dropping my kid off at school and she scoffed at me, I'm the type to never been seen in sneakers outside of the gym. Or at least I was. I'm making more of an effort this week and hoping to go back to a much better routine. How inspiring.

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